The Federal Cray Cray List … Until Times Get Better

My friend Angela used to say, that we had a few special people at our job.  And, I agree, that there were a few.  However, it seemed like there were more there than I had ever encountered in one place. 

I first met Steven when he was transferred to our department.  He was originally hired as an architect.  However, his department did not feel that had the skills needed to stay there, but they did not want to fire him, so he was transferred to ours.  We were told to be nice to him and help him adjust.  But, no one told him.  Steven was a short, balding, middle-aged man who was shaped like Humpty Dumpty.  (Please pardon me for saying that, but it is true).  And, there were many times where he almost had a great a fall.  Steven had a knack for lying for no reason and getting on people’s nerves.  He did many things over the years before he was eventually fired, but here is one of my favorite stories. 

Until Times Get Better...

One afternoon, the Deputy Director Bob asked me to come to his desk.  He told me that he had a lingering problem that he wanted my help with.  He explained that we had a problem with our network a little over 3 months prior and a report detailing what had happened and how it was fixed was long overdue.  Steven was responsible for getting a report from Bill, since Bill had fixed the problem.  For 3 months, on a weekly basis, Steven had been reporting that Bill did not have the time to do it and as time passed he reported that that Bill was unwilling to prepare the report.  Bob wanted to know if I remembered the problem and if I had enough information to at least draft a report summary.  I told him that I had some information, but I asked him why he thought that Bill was unwilling to write a report.  He told me that it was because Steven told him that.  I responded, “It is true that Bill does not like to write reports but he responds in the opposite manner, he tries to complete things that he doesn't like as quickly as possible.”  I told him that I would talk to Bill and find out what happened.

I went to Bill’s desk and asked him why he hadn't written a report about the network problem that had occurred over 3 months ago.  He replied, “What report?  Was I supposed to prepare something?”  I told him yes, apparently this report had been on the agenda for a weekly meeting for the past few months and Steven stated that you were busy at first and later that you were unwilling to prepare it.  Bill responded, “Steven sits right next to me.”  “I know.” I replied.  “Well, why are you involved?” he asked.  “Well, Bob asked me if I could write the report for you.” I replied.  Bill was irritated that upper management was involved, and he asked me who participated in the weekly meeting that Steven attended.  When I told him that it was the Network Architecture and Infrastructure department, I could see the smoke coming out of his ears.  Bill got up and went straight to Bob, and apologized.  He told him that he was unaware that a report was due and he would work with me to deliver a report by the end of the day. 

After we started working on the report, Steven showed up at his desk.  Bill asked to speak with him privately.  They went into the Electrical Closet for privacy, but the yelling so loud, everyone outside could hear them.  Bill asked Steven about the report, and Steven told him, that report wasn't necessary, and that they were going to stop asking about it sooner or later.  Bill replied, “Oh yeah, then why did Cara come to me about it today?”  Steven didn't say anything.  All I heard, correction, all everyone heard was Bill.  “Do you know why Cara came to me? Because Bob came to her!!  You have managed to make me look unprofessional in front of my peers and in front of Management!  And as a Black man, I take that very seriously.  What am I too dumb to write up a report??!!  Am I only good at fixing things??!!”   Steve replied, “Well, that is insulting.  I am a Black man too!”  “Shut up, I am talking!!  Bill yelled.  "Listen to me.  Man to man, if you ever pull a stunt like this and embarrass me again, I will beat you until times get better!!  Do you understand me?!  Do you understand me??!!”  After they left the closet, you could hear a pin drop as they walked back to their desks.