You can’t say? What do you mean you can’t say??!!

As I started getting more responsibilities on my first contracting job and my time seemed to shrink.  So, I began to work overtime and also I began to appreciate working late in the evening or on the weekend because most people were gone and I could get work done.  One night I was still working at 8:00 pm and my phone rang, the caller ID said US Government, so I knew that it was the client.  But, this was really odd, because most government workers come in to work early and they are usually gone by 4 or 5 pm.  At first I thought that it was probably a wrong number, so I let it go to voice-mail.  But the phone kept ringing.  So, after staring at it (I know that is bad, but it is 8 pm on a Monday night.), I answered.  The client on the other end of the phone was one of the Test Leads.  She gave me her name, and told me what project she was working on, and said that she needed my help.  The client was preparing to start testing, but they didn't know the server names that they needed to have access to for the test environment.  And, they were worried that they were going to miss their deadline if they didn't get that information soon.  I explained to her that I did not manage the test projects in the labs and that if she needed any help, she needed to talk to her the test lab Project Manager.  (Every project had a PM from our department assigned to them.  The handled all of the lab preparation and any issues for each project.  This included everything from preparing the test work stations to scheduling admin support when needed.  I knew how it worked, because I had participated in the committee that designed the process.)  I had the list of all of the Test Lab PMs with their assigned projects and I told her that I would be happy to provide the contact information.  Beverly had been assigned as the PM for her project.  I told her that Beverly would be here in the morning and she could supply

her with the information that she wanted.  As, I was about to hang up, she replied “I don’t want Beverly, she doesn't know how to help me and she won’t return my calls anymore.”  “Anymore??!!  What do you mean anymore?  How long have you been trying to get the information?”  I responded.  Her reply was “About two months, maybe more.”  Next, I told her, that I still couldn't provide the help she needed.  I recommended that she call Jim, which was Beverly’s supervisor.  Then, she told me that she had talked to Jim and he started avoiding her phone calls as well.  I paused, and then I asked her why did she call me?  Her response was strange…”I called you because I was told that if anyone in the department could help me, it would be you and if you can’t, you would find someone who could.”  I laughed and asked her who told her that.  She said, “I was told not to provide their name.  But they said that if I let you know what was going on, you would fix it.”  I stopped laughing.  My reply was “Thanks, I think.  I can’t do anything tonight, but I will contact you tomorrow and let you know what I find out.”  I hung up the phone and went to Keith’s office; he was working late as well.  As I was walking to Keith’s office, I thought how they know I was still here.  Well, maybe Keith knew something that I didn't.  I told him what had just happened.  He didn't seem to know anything about this either and he didn't seem happy.  But, it was now, 9:00 pm, so there was nothing that we could do now.  He asked me to schedule a meeting the next morning with Beverly and Jim.

The next day we met with Beverly and Jim.  First Keith lectured them about using the caller ID to avoid calls from the client, and he asked them to seek out assistance if they don’t have the answers.  He explained how our client is always looking at ways to trim their budget, and our department could end up on the chopping block, if we do not prove that we have value.  Beverly and Jim promised to respond to the clients calls.  Next, Jim asked why was I present at the meeting.  Keith explained that the customer called me last night at 8 pm and asked me to assist on the project, and in turn, I notified him.  He also explained that because the client called me, and because it was a mystery on who recommended me, I would take temporarily take over the

project until the issue was resolved.  Jim was not happy, because I was not part of his department, but Keith said, “We don’t know how Cara’s name came up and we don’t know who’s watching the outcome of this project.  Beverly needs to provide Cara all of the information on the project and she will become part of your team, yet still report to me until this is over.”  Jim and Beverly left the meeting irritated and I left the meeting overwhelmed.  I was already working at 8 pm on some nights, how was I going to fit in another project?  After the meeting, Beverly provided me with the all of the project information and added me to their meeting schedule.  Also, she sent out an email notifying the project that I would not be their Test Lab PM. 

A few hours later Rose, our department’s Administrative Assistant escorted an angry looking man to my desk.  She said, “Harry, this is Cara Massey.  Cara, this is Harry, he is the Test Lead on our side, and he hasn't been able to get the support that he has needed from Beverly, so he wanted to meet you.”  After that, she left.  I felt this large migraine coming.  This was all I needed another unhappy person.  “Harry, what seems to be the problem?” I asked.  “This is the problem!”  He said.  And, he slammed a sheet of paper on my desk.  It was a completed server access request form.  “No one has been able to tell me, where I need to submit this so I can get server access for my team for testing.  I have been getting the runaround from your department PMs for the past couple of weeks.  I know that you just got assigned to this project, but maybe you can help me.”  He said.  I blinked, and thought, this had to be a set up, it can’t be this easy.  It just can’t.  So, I looked at the form again.  And, I asked him, “Are these all of the names of the servers that you need access to for testing?”  “Yes.” He responded.  “OK, give me your phone number and I will call you as soon as I know anything.” I said. 

Next, I called the Test Lead on the Client side, and I told her that I had the names of the servers that she needed and that I would email the list to her.  Also, I asked if she new where the contractor’s server request form needed to be submitted.  She explained to me that that the sever request form was in the process of being placed online, and the paper form had already been phased out.  However, they could not add the server names for this project to the online form, because they did not have the information.  She also told me that Rose was suppose to provide them a list of all of all of our contract testers as well as a list of the servers and networks that they needed access to, so they could be added to the new online form.  Once the form was updated, the contractors could go online and request access.  Everything would be completed by the end of the week.  So, I gave Rose all of the information that she needed and I contacted Harry and informed him that at the end of the week he would need to fill out an online request form and it would take about a day for him and his test team to get access.  I also told both Test Leads that I would keep in touch with them until all of the issues had been resolved.  And, I said something that I didn't want to say, (sigh) ”If you have any more issues, feel free to call me anytime.” 

After testing started and everyone was happy, I asked the Test Lead to tell me who had given my name.  She still refused.  I told her that I would keep track of the project until it went to production and I was going to keep asking.  Well, at least the issue had been resolved and I could go back to my normal chaos.  I sent Keith a status report and said that I had completed my tasks.  He called me and told me to come to his office.   When I got there, he said, “I want you to be a part-time Test Lab PM.  You will attend all of Jim’s meetings and you will assist the other PMs if they have any problems or meeting conflicts.  That way you will know the status of all of the projects and can let me know if there are any issues that I need to know about.  Also, you need to decide if you want to continue working on my staff or become part of Jim’s team.”  If I became part of Jim’s team my title would change from Senior Technical Writer to Project Manager, and I might have been able to get a raise.  But, I knew that Jim and the rest of his staff didn't want me, and I was still going to have my other responsibilities.  So, I kept my position as being part of the Director’s staff.  I decided to do that because that way; Jim was limited on the amount of abuse and crappy work that he was going to hurl towards me.  I was right, after all Keith was Jim’s boss as well, so I had kept myself protected.  . 

Oh, I did find out who recommended me.  He was the former Government Director that I worked with when we were designing the Test Lab process.  He had moved on to a different project less stressful Department, but when he heard what was going on, he provided my name. 

#callerid

#responsibilities

#migraine

Well, there is crazy and then there is just plain stupid…Boundaries!!

I never really talked or dealt with my boss on a personal level, because it was inappropriate, and I didn't really want to know.  However, there were some things that were known.  First, when Keith got hired he was going through a divorce.  Divorces can be difficult and they are like snowflakes, no two are alike.  However, I did not talk to him about it, because it was inappropriate and I had just gotten a divorce 3 years prior.  It was still too soon for me to talk about relationships, much less divorce.  One day he started talking to me about his divorce, and I just said, “TMI”, smiled and walked away.  Anyway, things began to change the day he met Patricia.  He had decided to walk around his department and introduce himself, and I guess that is when he met Patricia.  I noticed it, because it was obvious, and everyone noticed it.  Patricia was flirty and attractive, but in a “slutty” type of way.  For example, one day Patricia needed the assistance of one of the Network engineers that was in my office having a conversation.  So, instead of just interrupting my conversation and asking for assistance, she came up behind him and rubbed up against him.  And then, she asked for his assistance.  Since he wasn't attracted to her, he didn't display a happy expression; he instead rolled his eyes and stated that he would see if he had time later to assist him.  He commented on her behavior after she left.  I didn't say anything, because there was nothing to say, she was a 45 year old woman, she knew better.  I got along with Patricia, but she annoyed me, because she always tried to use her sexuality to get over, even though it didn't seem to be necessary. 

I didn't have an issue with Keith and Patricia having a relationship outside of work, because it was none of my business and I liked it that way.  However, Patricia was more than happy to publicly exploit her relationship with him and sometimes it was hard to ignore.  It got to the point where her manager would just ask her in the weekly meetings whether or not she and Keith had any work related discussions outside of the office that might affect his department.  And, she would provide information.  I don’t think that Keith was aware of it.  But, I do think that he began to realize that boundaries were beginning to be crossed…

One day, I was in the office chatting with some of the co-workers and Patricia walked in.  “Hey Cara, you are just the person that I wanted to see.”  “I am.  Why?” I replied.  “Well, I thought that you could help me.  You know that new online dating website that allows you to recommend guys for other women to date?  I think that we should create a profile for Keith!  I think that would be a great idea.  What do you think?” she asked.  “Are you insane?  Hell no, he is my boss.  That is inappropriate, no, absolutely not.”  I said, “Why not?  He just finished his divorced and he is a great guy.” she replied.  “Patricia, I am not having this conversation with you about Keith, period!” I replied.  “Not having what conversation about me?” Keith asked.  He was standing right behind me. “Oh, it was nothing.” Patricia responded.  Keith walked into his office.  Patricia looked at me and said, “You had better not tell him what we were talking about.”  I responded, “I will not volunteer the information.  But, if he asks, I am singing like a bird.  Tweet, Tweet, Tweet.”  And, I went back to my desk.  

#boundaries

#onlinedating

My Christmas Story – The Value of Home

The holidays were coming upon us and a memo was sent out requesting our vacation time.  Ryan and I had been running the daily change meeting for more than 6 months.  He had taken over the meeting, and as co-chair, I was his back up.  I thought that we had finally settled down and were working as a team.  At least, that is what I thought… 

One day we received the memo from management requesting us to submit our vacation time for Christmas and New Years.  I assumed that Ryan and I would sit down and discuss what time we would take off for the holidays.  Obviously, there was going have to be some concessions.  However, the same day that the memo was sent, Keith called me into his office.  When I got there, he asked me “Are you sure you don’t want to go home at all for the holidays?”  “What are you talking about?” I responded.  “Well, Ryan is going to England to visit his parents for the holidays and he is staying for a month, he is leaving on the 20^th of December and he is returning on the 20^th of January.  He said that you would run the meeting during that time.”  “What!!!  He hasn't said anything to me.”  I replied.  Next, I stormed out of his office and I went to his desk.  I asked him why he had submitted his holiday schedule

without even saying a word to me.  Beverly was standing at his desk and she decided to interject with her opinion.  “Well, Cara, you have to understand, Ryan is going to Europe to visit his family.  Europe!!  You on the other hand would just be going to Detroit to visit your family.  You have to understand that.”  I turned to her and I said, “You need to mind your own business and shut the hell up!!”  Next, I looked at Ryan, but before I said anything, he stated that we could sit down and discuss what time we would be taking off during the holiday season, because he hadn't schedule his flight yet.  But, that didn't matter, I was mad, and Beverly’s statement, made it worse.  All I say was red.  I was so angry that I told him no.  I said, “I am going home for the holidays, at least for Christmas and I will return when I get damn well get ready.”  He asked me when I would leave, my response again was “When I damn well get ready!  I will send my schedule and you can work your vacation around it.” and I went back to my desk.  I calmed down and I sent my holiday schedule to management, I took two weeks off for Christmas and I returned shortly before New Years.  There was some overlap on scheduled time off; however, management took ran the daily meeting for those few days.  Ryan was still gone for about a month, however, he was annoyed that I was unwilling to negotiate with him and that Keith had let me get away with my behavior.  I, myself did not care.  I just knew that I was going to see my mother and my friends for Christmas and that was all I cared about.  

Merry Christmas!!  If you didn't make it home for the holidays, may you be at home next year.  I know that I will be...

#homefortheholidays
#Christmas

Who’s to Blame?

Here is one of the few times that I will use real company names and the names of real people in this blog.  If you are wondering who should take the blame on where I get my perspective on the workplace and how it should be, blame Manpower Automotive (no longer exists) and General Motors.  I worked at GM as a contractor for about a year in the Strategic Facilities Planning (SFP) department in 1993.  The SFP group was an experiment at the time, some of the Architects at GM’s Worldwide Facilities Group (WFG) got together and thought that Strategic Planning could be used by the Facilities organization to design buildings and workspaces that were more efficient, easily adaptable for the future automotive industry, and they could save General Motors money in the long run.  These Architects presented a proposal and management decided to let them create there department and assemble a team.  I ended up being hired because none of the Word Processing Specialists or Administrative Assistants wanted to work in the department.  They assumed that the project was going to fail, and after it failed, the Architects would go back to their former jobs, but they would become unemployed because someone else would have taken their former position.  So, the team had to hire an outsider.  When I started working there, I used to here all the time, “Oh, you are working for the guys with their heads in the clouds.”  I used to just smile and walk away. 

One of the great things about my job was that my boss was patient.  Ron S., did his best to explain what they were going to be doing in this department, during the interview.  And, I didn’t get it.  I thought that I did, but it was clear that I didn’t.  He hired me anyway. I think that his reasoning was that I just had to be good at Microsoft Office, Desktop Publishing, running an office, following directions.  And, I was pretty good at those things.  Also, I had the opportunity to sit in on important meetings with important people, as long as I kept quiet.  The pay was bad, but I got the opportunity to see how business works, business politics and how successful teams functions.  Because the team was looking at how people were going to work in the future, they had to understand how the past and the present as well.  You can’t figure out where you are going if you don’t know where you have been.  I had the opportunity to learn the importance of knowing a business’ history, their politics, culture and understanding your client and their needs, because GM was WFG’s client.  We even had a small library shelf that had reference books and materials for research.  Do not get me wrong, the group was not perfect, it was far from it.  Also, the chances of me becoming a GM employee were not that great either.  But, there was an opportunity to learn about the Automotive Industry, software, business culture, politics, and Architecture.  The whole project was one intensive learning experience and I loved every minute of it.  Also, I learned what could be accomplished with good teamwork.  And I learned about it through experience as opposed to in a book.  You would be surprised about how many people read about teams in grad school, but have never experienced what it is like to be confident in your strengths as well as your coworkers.

I also learned about the importance of having a managers that support you.  Ron was like that and so was one of his bosses Dave Skivens.  Dave and Ron did not have the same type of personality but they both had vision.  Working in this type of environment affected the way I approached my career.  I don’t think that they realized it but they taught me how to embrace change and to never stop learning.  And, they also let me know that even though I was the lowest man on the totem pole, I had value, and they protected me when it was needed.  When I left that contract, Dave told me that I was never going to find another department like that, and I never have.  GM like most companies is not a perfect place, and I was blessed to be placed in that spot at that moment in time.  There were many areas, that could not, or did not know how to embrace change, and there were no visionaries, they were either scared to speak or they were run out of the company.  However, this company at this point in time, taught about how things can with the right support and attitude, and how you can accomplish things when everyone says that it can’t be done. 

My title says “Who’s to Blame?” for two reasons.  The first is that it was my experience at General Motors that made my federal contract supervisor interested in my resume.  And, it was the reason that when I was given problems to resolve that others said can’t be done.  Working at GM taught me to take the challenges and complete tasks.  That attitude is not common in the government environment.  And because these experiences happened early in my career, they affected my perspective of work life and what it should be.  It also allows me to see and understand the craziness that occurs on government contracts.  

#teamwork

You want me to do what??

Getting more responsibilities because I was working with Keith had its advantages and disadvantages.  I was able to work on special projects, but with those assignments came all types of issues, including resentment. 

One morning, Keith called me into his office at about 12:45 pm.  He was tying his shoes while he was talking to me.  “I have a meeting at  today on the 12^th floor, that I want you to attend.  I forgot to add you to meeting invite. ” He said.  I said OK and went back to my desk to collect my notebook.  I assumed that I would be taking notes.  When I got up to the 12^th floor, Keith said, “I have saved a seat for you next to me.”  I sat down and pulled out my notebook.  Keith welcomed everyone to the meeting and explained to us that the reason we were all asked to attend was that one of the managers, Ryan, had been working on his Master’s Thesis and he had determined that we could solve a lot of our Testing environment stability issues if we began to manage all changes in our test labs.  The first step was to limit the number of people who had access to the test labs infrastructure, which he had already done.  The infrastructure engineers had to get access from the Test lab engineers and the architect to make any changes to the Test environment.  The second phase was to set up a Daily Change Meeting.  The meeting would have a Chair and a co-Chair who would discuss what changes were going to be made, and sign off on them.  “Now”, he said, “I would like to introduce to you the Chair and Co-Chair, Ryan and Cara.”  I put my pen down.  What did I just hear?  I looked up, and looked at everyone who was in the room, and I realized that I was looking at all of the Project Directors and upper level on the contract.  I waved and put my head back down.  Next, Keith announced that starting the next day the meetings would be held everyday at 1 pm and all departments needed to have a representative present for the daily meeting.  Well, I thought OK, as the co-chair, I will keep the meeting minutes and run the meeting when Ryan isn't available, after all, it was his idea and his thesis, and so he must have a plan. 

We met for the first day and I found out that Ryan didn't have a plan.  We all met in the room and waited for Ryan to start the meeting, it never happened.  There was no agenda and Ryan didn't say anything. People began to ask who is running the meeting.  Also, they brought up suggestions of what they thought needed to occur in the meeting.  Since the other Test Lab managers were present, I suggested that they start running the meeting.  No one wanted to start it.  I thought, well, it was the first day, the next day will be better.  The next day was the same.  Later, I found out from the other staff that this meeting was going to end up like other projects Ryan had and fail.  Ryan had shown in the past that he was not capable of running a project.  Maybe it was ego, but I didn't want to be part of a public failure.  Maybe, Keith knew that I might make a difference.  I don't know.  I decided to take responsibility.  I went in  to work the following weekend and drafted a Change Management process and developed a strategy for the meeting.  Next, I started drafting an agenda, and the forms needed for the group. 

The meeting that following Monday started the same way they first two, Ryan went in the room and didn't say anything.  So, I handed out the agenda and started the meeting.  I thought that once I got things going, Ryan would take over after that.  6 months later, I was still running the meeting.  Ryan attended each meeting, but did nothing; he did not even take meeting minutes.  And, although I had a problem with running the meetings, he didn't.  He only began to have a problem when people started referring to the Change meeting as Cara’s meeting, and going to me first for authorizations for changes in the environment.  Then, it became a problem.  After about 7 months, Ryan started running his own meeting, and I finally became the Co-Chair.  Gradually, people began to go to him first instead of me. 

#ChangeManagement
#makeadifference

They Can’t Always Be the Bad Guy in the Story

One day Keith sent out an email for Staff Training plans.  He asked everyone in his staff to fill out the form and request any training that they needed or wanted.  I guess that our department had some extra funds and increasing our skills overall was a good way to market our department as well as ask for more money.  I was excited.  I sat down and I requested all of the courses that I wanted.  I really wanted to get training on the Rational Tools Suite.  I had been told that being a Technical Writer with Rational Tool skills would make me more marketable, and that fit my “Needy, Speedy, Greedy “  attitude.  So, I submitted my training request, with great expectations.  The following day, I was called into Keith’s office.  He told me that as a subcontractor, he could not sign off on all the classes that I had requested.   He could only sign off on one class related to my field and it was one that I didn't need.  He provided a bunch of reasons, however, after the word “no” was said, I stopped listening.

After our meeting, I went over to the Rational Tools team area to complain and pout about not being able to take the classes that I wanted.  Rich, the Rational Tools Manager suggested that I put my application in with his staff, because his boss never reads anything that he signs and my training request should slip right through with the rest of his staff’s.  Now, my only issue was deciding what classes I was going to take.  I still had to be careful because although the classes were onsite, some of the courses lasted a week and I could still risk getting caught by being away from my desk for a long time.  I selected some Rational Tool Introduction and some Performance Testing courses.  

Well, Rich was right, his boss did approve my training request and now I just had to be two places at once.  So, for the week that I was in training, I came into work early and I completed most of my tasks, and then at 9 am, I would wander down to the classrooms on the first floor.  I would go back to my desk during lunch and break to respond to any voice mails and answer emails.   Afterwards I would sneak back to class.  This almost worked because almost everyone in our class knew how I got there, and they weren't saying anything.  Also, Keith didn't really need me for anything that week until Friday. 

Friday afternoon, Keith was looking for me and he asked one of the staff members  had they seen me.  They replied, “Sure, Cara is in class with the rest of the Rational Tools Team.”   He responded “She is???”  And they replied “Yea, she has been there all week, today is her last day.”  I am sure that the conversation probably included going to the Admin Assistants to determine how I got permission to take these classes since he had not approved it.  This is probably when his face turned red; at least it was red 

                                                  by the time I got pulled out of class and sent to his 

                                                  office.  

During our impromptu meeting, Keith asked me, if I remembered that he said that I could not take any of these classes.  As I started to form the word “no” out of my mouth, he reminded me about how good my memory was and that I had never forgotten anything that he had told me.  (I used to really hate when my bosses had figured out how well I remembered things.                                                                     I mean, I  really, really hated that.)     

                                                                                                                   

Well, the good news was that I didn't get fired.  It was also good news that Keith did not stay mad at me.  But, that was because he decided to punish me.  He gave me a new assignment where I had to start using some of my newly acquired skills.  And that new assignment created more new stories...

#oopsbusted

In the Eyes of the Beholder

 In 2008, I started working as a sub-contractor for Prove IT.  Prove-IT was a company, which was primarily did Independent Verification and Validation for government agencies.  Basically, they would come in and examine software created by other contractors and make sure that the government got what it paid for.  They were starting to go into the Network branch of IT and they hired me as a Technical Writer to work temp to perm.  I was replacing the former writer, Ann, who had been promoted to Deputy Project Manager.  The job paid less than what I was used to making but the company was paid to consult and write Network related White Papers.  This was a field that I did not know a lot about.  The company had hired Network Engineers and a Computer Scientist to write the papers, but they needed a Technical Editor to prepare them for the government publication.  I enjoyed working for this small company and I thought that maybe, I could become a permanent employee there. 

In the private sector, the best way to get a job is to make a good impression.  One way is to prove your worth by saving the day.  You can’t plan to save the day, but, every once in a while, things happen…  I thought that I was going to work for this company because while I was working there I noticed that one of the white papers that I was editing had been plagiarized.  The information came verbatim from a textbook that was on the internet.  This was a big deal for various reasons.  First, Prove IT was paying these engineers a lot of money to write these White Papers for the government.  They had already paid them a portion of the money for draft delivery, because the previous writer had not caught it.  Second, Prove IT was going to deliver this plagiarized paper to the government which if discovered would have not only been very embarrassing but could cause them to lose their contract as well as future business.  But, unfortunately for me, it also made the Ann look bad.  And, Ann already had power issues and Sociopath tendencies, so, I was in trouble.  When it was time to make a decision on whether to hire me, the company opted to keep me as a contractor, indefinitely, until they found someone else.  So, I decided to resign.  And so, it was off to another job and another adventure.

#plagiarism

#Sociopath

Spiritual Armor, Making a Difference, Advanced Child Tax Credit (ACTC)

I was talking to my mother the other night, and she was discussing how even though the economy was fading in Michigan, many stayed and they eventually found jobs.  Which is true, they did.  But, when I left Michigan in 2000, I didn't want a job, I wanted a career, and I didn't want to settle.  I felt like that was all that I had been doing, settling.  I thought that I could do more.  I wanted to make a difference. 

In January 2003, Keith was decided that instead of just writing about the processes and procedures that our Test Environment Project Managers had to follow to assist projects in making it through the test environments and into production; I would actually run a project.  That way I could see what types of issues the project managers came across while trying to help projects make their deadline dates.  We had not been making most of our deadlines.  The projects were blaming the Testing for not having the Test Environments prepared and the Test Environments were blaming the projects for not being ready for testing.  By working as a Test Environment PM, I could see what was really happening and I could change our processes and procedures to match what they actually did, and, we could pass our Federal Audit (another small issue).  The first project I received was Advanced Child Tax Credit (ACTC).  It was a small project and its technology was dependent on what people know as the “Where is my Refund?” site on the IRS web.  I remember going to the Testing Kick off meeting, the application had passed the first phase of development and now it was ready for testing.  A project schedule had already been drafted and the first phase was getting the workstations in the test lab and making sure that they had all of the software needed for testing.  One of the other Testing Environment PMs, Bob, was asked to attend the meeting to help me, since this was my first project.  However, it didn't turn out like I had expected.  Every time I was asked a question, the other PM would stop me and tell me to say that I would get back to my manager and I would have a response later.  It didn't matter how simple the question was or even whether or not I knew the answer.  I was to give the same response.  So, although Keith had given me this assignment, Jacob, the lead Test Environment Project Manager had no plans of actually letting me manage a project.  Well, I did something in that meeting that Sara Palin later became famous for, I went rogue.  The next time I was asked a question during that meeting, I started to respond and the other Bob started whispering in my ear, to give the same response.  I looked at him and told him not to interrupt me while I was speaking.  (I don’t know where that came from.)  But after I did that, I knew exactly what I had done.  Because, after that, Bob got up and left the meeting and told me I was on my own.  And, for the rest of the project, I was on my own.  I had no help from my new peers.  And I only had a little help from the System Administrators who managed the test labs.  I had to prepare up some of the workstations for testing myself. They sat and waited for me to fail.  However, they did not understand that I wanted to manage the project and I sincerely wanted them make production on schedule, so people could receive their checks in July, as the government promised.  Also, I wanted to I update the processes and procedures that the PMs had to follow to guide the projects through the test environment; I needed to truly understand their job.  They didn't get that.  For the lead PM and my new peers, it was all about ego.  The words “Who does she think she is?” was said about me a lot.  And, I knew it.  But I believed that I was fighting the good fight, so every morning, I prepared myself for battle by praying and I put on my Spiritual Armor.  Well, my project went smoothly and to production on time.  People started receiving their checks when promised.  When we had our Lessons Learned meeting at the end of the project, the client actually got up and hugged me and thanked me for all of my help.  I had not received that kind of reception since I had worked in the corporate environment.  CGTN had their internal meeting because the project was a success.  The Deputy Director, Bob gave the Jacob a certificate and shook his had for getting the project done on time.  And, as he shook his had, they looked directly at me.  And as they looked at me, I thought about what my grandmother said, “They can take everything away from you, but they can’t take what you have learned and what you know.  That will always be yours.”  So, I looked back at them in that moment and I smiled.

#LessonsLearned

#MakingaDifference

#SpiritualArmor

Thanksgiving...

There have been so many Soul Stirring events that have happened recently.  I think that we all need to take time to remember what we are Thankful for.

Here is what I am Thankful for...

I am Thankful that I am a Child of God

I am Thankful for my Mother

I am Thankful for all the Wisdom my Grandmother left me before she left this world

I am Thankful for my Family

I am Thankful for my Friends

I am Thankful for the Existence and the Belief of Hope and the Ability to have it even when I am surrounded by despair

I am Thankful for Strength and the Discernment of when to use it

I am Thankful for the ability to obtain Enlightenment and share it

I am Thankful that I have Stories to tell and a Voice to tell them with

Happy Thanksgiving

#Thanksgiving

#Thankful

#Family

The Other Side of Cray Cray

You know I had jokingly said that I should create the Cray Cray list, but there is a serious side.  The government has policies about employees and mental illness.  Certain clearances can be removed or denied based on your mental health.  However, some employees hide their illnesses because they understand the repercussions...

I met Denise while she was still a government contractor.  I always sensed that there was something different about her.  I used to refer to her as crazy Denise all the time, because although she seemed normal she seemed to dance to the beat of a different type of drummer.  Denise was a intelligent engineer, but, she would behave a little out of the ordinary and she used to confide in me about her issues. 

For example, one day, she told me about her fear of statues.  I had never met anyone afraid of statues.  That was odd to me.  I asked her why was she afraid of them, she told me that she didn't like them because they were so lifelike.  I had never met anyone with a fear of statues.  I didn't take her fear that seriously until one day when we were going to lunch at a Chinese restaurant that I used to like.  And, I forgot that there were statues on the side entrance of the restaurant.  She saw the statues at the side entrance of and screamed.  We had to walk around to the front of the building to go into the restaurant. 

There were other instances over the years. However, her problems really started escalating after she left a federal contract position and became a government employee.  She was unhappy about her life and in her marriage.  She had been dealing with the problems by praying.  Now, I believe in the power of prayer, but I believe in prayer and action as well.  I believe that God expects us to make an effort, even if it is just stepping out on faith.  She did not believe in counseling and she definitely did not believe in divorce.  So, she just prayed that things would change and she would no longer be unhappy, but that did not happen.  She became more and more miserable.  She decided to manage her problems by planning her suicide and funeral.  And, she had decided that I alone would be the person that she confided in.  She had started writing her own Obituary.  She would send me copies of it and ask me to critique it.  Also, she would tell me what she wanted for her funeral and will. She wanted to me to make sure that her instructions were followed after she died.  I thought that this was odd, because even though we had become friends, she had family that she saw on a regular basis.  She also had friends that had known her for a longer time than I had.  But, no one knew how unhappy she really was except me.  She also had a daughter, who was also unaware that that her mother was so unhappy.  I was the only one that she confided in, and it worried me.  I would try to talk her into seeking counseling, for herself, her daughter and for her marriage.  But, she didn't want to go; she used the excuse that Blacks don’t seek counseling. 

There were other beliefs that she had that blocked my ability to help her.  For example, she also believed that since I was divorced and had sinned against God (Her words not mine.), that I wanted her to get a divorce as well.  However, I didn't believe that divorce is the cure-all for bad relationships then, and I don’t now.  I believed that her problems consisted of more than just her marriage.  I also knew that all of the talk of suicide and death were a cry for help. 

One day, I got a call from Denise.  She was at the hospital.  She had attempted to kill herself by overdosing on pills; however, she made herself sick instead.  Her plan was to overdose and then get in the car and drive until she became unconscious.  Instead, she got a bad stomach ache and she drove herself to emergency, where the hospital had to pump her stomach.  She called me when she got to emergency.  When I went to the hospital, she already had a bed.  They had decided to keep her overnight, because they wanted to try to talk her into getting counseling.  But, she refused to provide the Social Worker any information.  So, the hospital was unable to help her.  When I asked Denise why, she told me that she could lose her clearance if it was reported that she tried to commit suicide.  So, she was crazy enough to try to take her life and maybe take someone else’s while driving, but not crazy enough to risk losing her job. 

Denise’s husband was at the hospital as well, the hospital called him after she was admitted.  But, she refused to tell him the real reason why she was there.  So, he showed up looking confused.  She just told him that she had an upset stomach.  She told her daughter the same thing as well.  Her daughter had wanted to go the movies.  She talked her husband into leaving her taking their daughter to the movies that night.  I was frustrated with Denise that night.  I was glad that she didn't succeed in killing herself that night, but I was concerned because she wouldn't accept counseling and she needed it. 

A few months later, Denise did find a Christian Counseling Center that she was comfortable with and the funeral and suicide conversations began to happen less and less.  But the depression was still there.  And I was still the only person that she would talk to when she wanted to discuss her funeral plans.  I decided that carrying the burden of her suicide secrets was too heavy to bear. 

I decided to break her promise of not letting her family know about her depression and the fact that she had tried to commit suicide.  I didn't tell her daughter, but I did tell her husband.  I told because I thought that she needed help and I wanted her to get it.  As a result, Denise stopped talking to me and she I have never seen her again.  However, considering that she told me that she would hurt me if I ever told anyone that she was planning to kill herself, I think that I got off easy.  

Resouces for Suicide Prevention
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

The Federal Cray Cray List … Until Times Get Better

My friend Angela used to say, that we had a few special people at our job.  And, I agree, that there were a few.  However, it seemed like there were more there than I had ever encountered in one place. 

I first met Steven when he was transferred to our department.  He was originally hired as an architect.  However, his department did not feel that had the skills needed to stay there, but they did not want to fire him, so he was transferred to ours.  We were told to be nice to him and help him adjust.  But, no one told him.  Steven was a short, balding, middle-aged man who was shaped like Humpty Dumpty.  (Please pardon me for saying that, but it is true).  And, there were many times where he almost had a great a fall.  Steven had a knack for lying for no reason and getting on people’s nerves.  He did many things over the years before he was eventually fired, but here is one of my favorite stories. 

Until Times Get Better...

One afternoon, the Deputy Director Bob asked me to come to his desk.  He told me that he had a lingering problem that he wanted my help with.  He explained that we had a problem with our network a little over 3 months prior and a report detailing what had happened and how it was fixed was long overdue.  Steven was responsible for getting a report from Bill, since Bill had fixed the problem.  For 3 months, on a weekly basis, Steven had been reporting that Bill did not have the time to do it and as time passed he reported that that Bill was unwilling to prepare the report.  Bob wanted to know if I remembered the problem and if I had enough information to at least draft a report summary.  I told him that I had some information, but I asked him why he thought that Bill was unwilling to write a report.  He told me that it was because Steven told him that.  I responded, “It is true that Bill does not like to write reports but he responds in the opposite manner, he tries to complete things that he doesn't like as quickly as possible.”  I told him that I would talk to Bill and find out what happened.

I went to Bill’s desk and asked him why he hadn't written a report about the network problem that had occurred over 3 months ago.  He replied, “What report?  Was I supposed to prepare something?”  I told him yes, apparently this report had been on the agenda for a weekly meeting for the past few months and Steven stated that you were busy at first and later that you were unwilling to prepare it.  Bill responded, “Steven sits right next to me.”  “I know.” I replied.  “Well, why are you involved?” he asked.  “Well, Bob asked me if I could write the report for you.” I replied.  Bill was irritated that upper management was involved, and he asked me who participated in the weekly meeting that Steven attended.  When I told him that it was the Network Architecture and Infrastructure department, I could see the smoke coming out of his ears.  Bill got up and went straight to Bob, and apologized.  He told him that he was unaware that a report was due and he would work with me to deliver a report by the end of the day. 

After we started working on the report, Steven showed up at his desk.  Bill asked to speak with him privately.  They went into the Electrical Closet for privacy, but the yelling so loud, everyone outside could hear them.  Bill asked Steven about the report, and Steven told him, that report wasn't necessary, and that they were going to stop asking about it sooner or later.  Bill replied, “Oh yeah, then why did Cara come to me about it today?”  Steven didn't say anything.  All I heard, correction, all everyone heard was Bill.  “Do you know why Cara came to me? Because Bob came to her!!  You have managed to make me look unprofessional in front of my peers and in front of Management!  And as a Black man, I take that very seriously.  What am I too dumb to write up a report??!!  Am I only good at fixing things??!!”   Steve replied, “Well, that is insulting.  I am a Black man too!”  “Shut up, I am talking!!  Bill yelled.  "Listen to me.  Man to man, if you ever pull a stunt like this and embarrass me again, I will beat you until times get better!!  Do you understand me?!  Do you understand me??!!”  After they left the closet, you could hear a pin drop as they walked back to their desks.  

Why do I Keep Secrets? Are these stories really true??

                 Why do I Keep Secrets? 

The obvious reason that I don’t give out names of people or businesses that I worked for in this blog are so I can’t be sued.  But, that is not the only reason.  When I was laid off from my first contracting job, the companies that I worked for were worried about being sued.  I know that they were worried because they cancelled my contract while I was out of state and mailed my personal belongings to me.  They were so worried that they summoned by best friend at work to the 12^th floor and told her that they think that Cara is going to sue us, and we want to know everything that you know.  I did say at the start of this blog, that I did file with the EEOC and that I did get permission to sue them, however, at the same time, I got diagnosed with Stage 3b Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, so I became preoccupied with that.  Also, my friend was a single parent.  I never discussed anything legal with her, because I would not want her job to be in jeopardy. 

Are these stories really true??

The other question might be asked by the few who read this blog, because so far, no one has really been fired.  The sad answer is yes, the stories are true.  I do have a story that involves one person being fired, but it wouldn't be for what you would think that it would be.  I am thinking about doing a series of blogs on some of the crazy people that I worked with.  I think that it would have to be called the Federal Cray Cray list.

Nobody’s Perfect and You Can’t Fix Stupid

One morning as I was getting settled at my desk at work, my phone started ringing, the caller ID said US Government.  Now, it is true that I was a Federal Contractor, but the caller ID usually had the agency name, not just US Government.  It kind of freaked me out, the call went to voice mail before I could answer, but an hour later, the phone rang again and I answered it.  It was our client and he was upset.  One of our administrators had made an error on one of the government servers and they needed to have it rebooted, so Jeffrey called him and asked him to reboot it.  However, our process required me or Keith to sign off before the server could be rebooted.  So, the client asked if I had signed off on the reboot.  I guess that is when this got ugly.  Jeffrey yelled at the client and told him that I was nobody but a figure head and that he was the Network Manager and he needed to do what he was

told.  I told him that I was sorry that this had happened to him.  I also told him that Keith was in his office and that he would have no problem giving approval for the reboot.  I told him, that I would ask for Keith’s approval.  After I hung up the phone I talked with Jeffrey.  I told him that the client had just called me.  I also asked him why he yelled at the client.  He then reminded me who he was and stated that he shouldn't have to get permission from me.  And, the client was just a System Admin.  Plus, I had not arrived at work yet, he responded, “What was I supposed to do, call you at home?”  I told him that he could have, or he could have asked Keith to sign off on it.  Keith was in his office by 7 am.  I tried to explain to him, that he had upset the client and who knows who else he is going to tell about this issue.  Jeffrey did not like my response.  He went to his desk and sent and email to me and the client stating that it was inappropriate for the Network Manager to obtain permission to reboot a server from a non-technical figurehead.  My response to the email was that I was the Change Control Co-Chair, and that requesting approval from the Change Control Chair or Co-Chair for emergencies was part of the process that was created by our department.  I also reminded him that I was assigned the Co-Chair position by Keith, and if he did not like the process or did not want to obtain approval from me, he could go to Keith’s office and get his approval.  The email finally made it to Keith’s office.  Keith had no problem giving approval, but of course he wanted to know what happened and why, which was really what Jeffery was trying to avoid. 

Keith also told him that I was right.  Keith also explain that the government's organization was different than ours.  And that Jeffrey needed to understand how the government worked, their organization was top down and ours was cross-functional, and they don’t necessarily understand how ours work.  The client didn't mean any harm when he asked for Cara’s approval; he was just following our process.  And, in his world, her signature, equals an approval.  And she has that responsibility because I asked her to take it.  After that, everyone seemed to be OK.  Jeffrey was less angry, but the issue seemed to be resolved. 

Later in the afternoon, another manager stopped me outside of our department.  He asked me if I was alright.  I told him that I was fine.  He told me that the client had called him because he was still upset about what had happened that morning and he had sent him a copy of the email that Jeffrey sent.  I told him that I was fine, and that Keith had handled the situation.  Everything was fine.  Are you sure, he asked.  I responded “Yes”.

After that, the week went by pretty fast.  I got in fairly early on Friday and Keith was all dressed up.  He said that he was going downtown.  He also said that usually when the government requests you to come to downtown DC on a Friday, it usually isn't good.  I didn't think much of it. I was going to get my work done and take an hour lunch, which was something that I rarely did. 

Well, later that afternoon, I was walking down the hallway on my way to lunch.  And I heard this booming voice “Freeze!! Where are you going?"  It was Keith.  I was going to lunch I replied.  He told me that I was not going to lunch, I was going to my desk, and we were having a meeting as soon as he gathered the rest of the staff.  So I went back to my desk and waited.

When the meeting started Keith was angry.  He stated that he was asked to come to the Deputy Commissioner’s office, and when he sat down, Jeffrey’s email was put in his lap.  Then he was asked, “Is this the way your people treat their employees?”  He didn't elaborate on the rest of the meeting.  I rolled my head back, I couldn't believe that this had gone this far.  I had seen things happen like this before, but I thought that the issue was over.  Keith was still yelling.  “I realize that this is not a perfect team, and we have issues, but we need to keep are disagreements to ourselves.  The client does not need to know it.  Also, our disagreements should take place on our network and on our email not on theirs.”  Jeffrey asked how the government got the email, Keith told him, that it didn't matter, the conversation occurred in their environment and it was their property.  Keith did ask them how they got the email and they refused to say. 

The fallout was ugly.  It was assumed that I sent the government the email, even though it was never really said to my face.  I guess that maybe it was thought that I wanted revenge or wanted to teach Jeffrey a lesson.  However, to be honest I saw no benefit in getting any type of revenge.  Also, years had passed by then and I thought that the managers that I worked with including Jeffrey were not teachable, at least not by me.  Nor did I think that it was my responsibility to teach them anything.