My First Meat Day

I don’t know what you may think of this title, but this is what it was, my first Meat Day. 

Ok, let me explain, one of the owners of the company that I worked for, ALBB, was a farmer.  Specifically he raised grass-fed cows.  And every year, he would slaughter one of his cows for his company picnic.  Could he call it the annual ALBB company picnic, or ALBB BBQ, or even the ALBB Employee Appreciation Day?  Nope, he called it, Meat Day.  I never went to the Meat Days, and the company didn't always have a great turnout.  I could never get past the whole “Meat Day” title.  Couldn't someone have told him don’t do that?  Although after dealing with the ego I wonder if anyone could tell him that.

Well, one day my ALBB rep came to visit me with a dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies. She told me that the annual Meat Day was coming up and ALBB wanted to have it here on our work-site, so we would have a better attendance.  Also, we could invite our bosses to the picnic.  I said OK and I sent an email to Keith inviting him to an onsite BBQ.  Also after she left, I took the cookies to Keith’s office because I was following my diet.  While there, I told him that I sent him an email about our company BBQ, his reply was “Oh yeah, I read it and said yes, you don’t have to ask me twice about a BBQ. And, thanks for the cookies.”

A few days later I got a call from my company about our on site Meat Day, the event had been cancelled.  When I asked why, ALBB said that other employees on site said that CGTN would not allow us to have a BBQ on the company grounds.  So, I asked who told them that, ALBB did not have a response.  They had asked one of the other ALBB contractors to look into it.  So, I offered to look into it.  After I hung up the phone with ALBB I contacted CGTN’s Facilities Director and I asked him if he had denied our request for a picnic.  He had no idea that it was requested.  I asked him if were any issues about having a BBQ on site, he told me that if they followed all of the fire codes, it should be fine.  I contacted ALBB and provided them with the Facilities Director’s contact number and they worked out the rest.

On Meat Day, ALBB arrived in the morning and started the BBQ grill.  They prepared steaks (Porter House and T-Bones), Shish Kabobs and hamburgers with corn and baked potatoes.   

Keith and I came down; the other employees weren’t able to get their manager’s to come.  The ALBB owners and reps introduced themselves to Keith and they chatted briefly and they exchanged business cards.  ALBB made a good business contact that day.  The other employees who worked on site hardly spoke.  After Keith left our picnic, one of the other coworkers spoke.  He looked at me and said, “Do you know who that was?”  I responded, “Yea, that is my boss.”  And he replied, “But, do you know how important he is and what he does?”  I didn't respond again.  I just ignored him and left.

It is funny, I worked for this man for almost 3 years, and the other contractors who I barely knew me or worked with Keith assumed that because I was a Technical Writer and not a Technical employee or Manager that I was unable to comprehend my boss’ responsibilities or level of importance.  Politics in the DC area permeates all businesses in the area, especially when it comes to Federal government and contractors.   

Decisions… Part 5 – The Fallout!!

As I mentioned before, when I would walk into meetings or into a room, all talking would stop.  And, no it was not just the Caucasians in the department.  It was everyone.  I was not allowed to discuss what was going on until the final decision had been made.   However, everyone else was allowed to talk about it and did.  There were many debates.  In the end, Bob and Keith went against each other head to head over whether Annabel would keep her position.  Bill and Jeffrey were on Bob’s side and considering that Annabel had referred to them in a negative manner did not manner, because neither one was insulted by the racial slur.  Jeffrey felt that it never applied to him anyway because he was African.  Bill just thought that I had overreacted.  Some people thought that this was really an issue of power.  I wanted to prove how important I was.  However, as you already know, I did not really start this crazy ball rolling; I just got blamed for it.  I never understood while Annabel’s boss reported the issue to our boss, when I said that I was not going to do it.  I was told that he reported it because he was afraid that I was going to go back on my word and report it, and he did not think that Annabel would lose her job.  However, I do not believe this.  I do believe that he thought that Annabel would not lose her job.  I believe that he thought absolutely nothing would happen and that response to this situation would finally put me in my place. 

However, that is not what happened, it took over a month, but Annabel did lose her job.  Well,they temporarily removed her from the project.  Her boss kept her on the payroll and got her a job on another project.  And, after Keith and I had moved on to different projects, she returned to her job.  

The whole situation was very stressful, disappointing and eye-opening for me.  

Decisions… Part 4 - All Hell Breaks Loose!!

***Before, I continue to share the rest of this story.  I think that you should be aware that all of this happened 5 years before we nominated and voted in our first African American president. ***

Well, I decided to go to Keith and talk to him about the issue.  I didn't want to beg for Annabel’s job, but I didn't want her to lose her job either.  I met with him after work.  I decided to meet with him and just be honest.  He was aware that Annabel and I used to be friends and he wanted to understand our relationship and what had happened to lead up to that moment.  I explained to him that Annabel would say things that were inappropriate like... “Maybe in my next life, God would make me pretty and White” or tell me how men always prefer white women over black women unless they are “exceptionally pretty”. Another example was when she shared with me that she had not changed her residence from Florida to Maryland, because Florida did not have state taxes.  I explained to her that Maryland’s laws were very strict, if you lived in the state for more than 90 days; you were a Maryland resident and needed to pay taxes.  She explained to me that laws applied to me, and not to her.  I didn't agree with Annabel’s beliefs, so I stopped hanging out with her.  Annabel did have some good qualities, and she was an excellent developer, our client loved her, she just had some screwy ideas about race. 

Keith sat and listened to me talk, and he took notes.  He told me that he had made his decision and he was disappointed that I didn't initially report the issue to him.  He asked me to keep quiet about the situation. 

Now as the title said, all hell broke loose.  And it did, on Annabel’s side.  Annabel and I sat across from each other at work, and we continued to sit across from each other after all of this happened.  Annabel didn't want to sit near me anymore, so she would just sit at her desk and stare at me.  She asked our Deputy Director, to ask me to move to another cube away from her.  And, she started telling other co-workers what I had done to her, and explaining to them that I was jealous and out to get her.  At first the stares did bother me, but then it didn't.   I hadn't done anything wrong.  I hadn't said anything wrong.  So, I didn't feel like I should feel uncomfortable sitting at my desk and I should not be the one to move.  I told the Deputy Director that I would not be moving. After I said no, the Deputy Director went to Angela’s desk and asked her if she would move to a different location and let Annabel sit at her desk.  She said no as well and she asked him, why he was only asking the African American women to move.  However, seating arrangements was not the only concern that out Deputy Director, Bob (Yes, the same person who had locked me in the library). 

Bob thought that Keith’s decision to terminate Annabel was wrong and he had decided that he was going to argue that I overreacted and that Nigga-rigged was not a real word, so how could it be offensive.  He started interviewing the staff people and asking them if they had ever heard of this word.  Also, he asked them if they felt if Annabel was racist or had any racist tendencies.  The whole department was discussing an the issue and whether or not I was right to “report: the issue to Keith.  I was viewed as the troublemaker.  I can’t tell you how many times I would enter a room and people would stop talking.  Annabel continued to stare at me until they finally moved her.  I was shunned because I had asked someone “What’s wrong?” at least that is how I felt.  

Decisions… Part III - The Beginning of Chaos. Nothing went as planned.

Well, the next morning, I came into work and Annabel was at her desk waiting for me.  “I need to speak to you privately.” She said.  We went into the server room.  I was expecting to get the former apology that her manager and I had discussed.  As soon as the door closed she started talking…

I wrote you a formal letter of apology.  I hope that you are happy with this situation.  You have cost me my job.  Oh, and by the away, you should get an Oscar for this surprised look that you have on your face right now.  I am not falling for it.  I always knew that you were jealous of me because I am White and blonde.  But causing me to lose my job?  Was this really necessary? 

I didn't say anything.  What was the point?  She already had her beliefs.  I left the room thinking.. well, so much for an apology.  I realize that some of what she said came out of anger.  But, some of what she said was actually what she believed.  As I had said earlier, I had been her friend and certain things that she had said to me caused me to pull away from her.  For example, she had two cute little dogs that I used to walk when she would go home to Florida on the weekends, or go on vacation.  I liked animals, and I didn't mind spending time with them.  After doing this for her a couple of times, she asked if it would be inappropriate for her to ask me to wash her windows, clean the carpet and do the laundry on the weekends, for pay of course.  I told her that yes, it would be inappropriate.  And that was the end of the conversation.  There were other moments that we experienced that made me pull away.  But, that was all that I did.  I was still friendly towards her at work but I did not hang out with her anymore.  If she asked me out, I would just politely make an excuse and then go about my business.  Now I was being accused by her of pulling the race card because I was jealous of her race.  And now, I am supposed to go to my boss and beg him to not to fire her because her boss screwed up.  It was too much, I couldn't do it.  However, in spite of what had happened, I didn't want her to lose her job.  I just wanted this whole situation to end.  It had only been last weekend when I was concerned about being fair.  I felt like no one else ever had that concern. 

I decided to go to my boss and just be honest.  My decision was not bad, but this was the beginning of all hell breaking loose.

Decisions Part II – You can’t prevent people from being stupid

I decided to report it on Monday, because she yelled her “Nigga-rigged” at work, and even though I
didn't think that anyone was around or heard what she said, it was better to report it.  I think that part of the reason why I had trouble figuring out what I should do, is how our department was structured.  In my position, I reported directly to the director, Keith, and my cube mate reported to one of the other managers in Keith’s department.  Therefore, I thought that I had an unfair advantage.  Also, I was not surprised about what Annabel said, I had no doubts that she had used the N-word before and would probably use it again.  We had been friends; however, some of her beliefs and attitudes had started to become apparent.  But, I thought that since she had immediately apologized, she should not lose her job over it.  So, I decided to report her to the Team Lead and her Manager.  

First, I went to the Team Lead, Dave.  I told him what happened.  Dave immediately went to the manager Rich and informed him of the situation.  Rich decided that he wanted to meet with me.  During our meeting, I repeated the story again, and I stated that although it was inappropriate, she did immediately apologize for her mistake.  Rich started telling me about how he had been in different work environments all over the country and when he worked in Mississippi, Blacks would refer to each other as Niggas all of the time in front of him, and didn't think anything about it, even though he was white man from the Massachusetts.  I listened to him, but I did not have any idea of what this had to do with me and the issue that was occurring right now.  I was not from Mississippi.  We were not in Mississippi. We were on a Federal Government contract in Maryland, and I never used the N-word at work or in front of Annabel.  Now the Federal Government, depending on the agency is very strict about the use of inappropriate language.  In the agency that we worked in, if someone said something inappropriate to you on a government phone line, it was grounds for punishment or termination, even if the other person did not work for the government.  Therefore, why would I or really anyone risk saying anything inappropriate at work.  Eventually, Rich asked me was I going to report it to Keith.  I told him no, I thought that it was better if it just stayed at this level.  Rich agreed.  Afterwards, I went back to my desk. 

Later that afternoon, Dave stopped by my desk.  He spoke to me very quietly.  He told me that he needed to speak with me, but it needed to be off this floor where no one would see us.   So, we met downstairs on the first floor in a private cube.  Dave said, “Rich told Keith what Annabel did at the manager’s meeting.   “What?? Why?? We agreed that I would not tell Keith, and that the issue would be handled by him.”  I responded.  Dave’s response was…

Well, I don’t know, but we have a problem.  Keith said that the policy is clear.  Annabel may not be terminated today, but eventually she will be terminated.  Rich stated that she should not be terminated since she apologized to you.  So, to be fair, Dave decided that he will not fire her, if you, come to him, tell him what happened and ask him not to fire her.  However, you have to do it on your own, you cannot know about the conversation that happened in the managers meeting.  And of course the conversation that we are having now, never happened. 

I just kind of stared into space for a minute, and then I said…. “So let me get this straight.  I am supposed to go to Keith, tell him what happened, wait until he say that she is being terminated, and beg for her job, because your boss went to him and reported on his own employee?”  “Yes,” he said.  “Also, to make it more authentic, we are going to have you meet again with Annabel, and she is going to officially apologize to you again.  We are doing this, because we do not think that Keith’s rules are fair.” 

This had to be one of the craziest situations that I had been in, the situation was already complicated, but I never thought that it would become this convoluted and stupid.

Decisions... Part I

For the first time in my life, I came home from work on a Friday evening and poured myself a drink.
I poured about 2 shots of whiskey in a glass, I never drink alone, but this time, I needed to sit down and make some serious decisions.  A situation had occurred at work, and I wanted to make the right decision.  I wanted to be fair.  I decided to call my brother and ask for his opinion, but he only made me feel worse.

Here is what happened…

It was a Friday afternoon in the Spring and almost everyone had left work early.  I liked days like these, because I could get work done without many interruptions.  My coworker, Annabel, entered our cube area stomping, pouting and slamming her notebook on the desk.  I asked her what was wrong.  Well apparently, there was a problem with the application that she was working on; however, it could be fixed by making a change on the network.  So, she went to the Bill, the Network Engineer and told him about the issue.  He told her that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing that he could do now, she would have to wait until next week.  So, she decided to go to the Jeffery, the Network Manager, he said the same thing, although he did offer a temporary workaround.  Annabel was not satisfied, she wanted the change to occur immediately.  She was disappointed; however, that is not what she said.  Instead, she stated, “I talked to Bill and Jeffrey about the problem.  They could fix it today if they wanted too.  But, instead they wanted to Nigga-rig it!”  (Bill and Jeffrey are men of color.)  And then she stormed out of the area, and went to the ladies room.  I just sat there thinking, why did I ask her what was wrong.  A few minutes later, she ran back into the area.  “I didn't mean to say that I meant to say jerry, but Nigga came out instead.”  I didn't say anything; I just decided that it was time to go home.  I had heard enough for the day.

When I got outside, Bill and some of the other managers were standing outside.  I told them what Annabel said about wanting to say jerry-rig, but nigga-rig came out instead.  And, I said that it was time for me to go home.  As I left, I was debating about reporting it, I knew that I should report it, because the laws were clear, but, she did immediately admit that she made a mistake.  And I thought that should be recognized as well.  I wanted to do the right thing. 

After I poured my drink, I called my brother.  His response, “Why are you upset, you don’t have a problem using the word, why should it bother that she uses it.  You have probably used it in front of her.”  My response was that I have used the word, but I don’t use it at work I had never used it in front of her.  I became frustrated.  Why was I being attacked, when I hadn't done anything wrong?  All I had done was ask a question.  My brother stated that if I really did have a problem with it I would report what happened.  

Sambo!!!???

So, one day Angela came to my desk and she stated, “You will never believe what just happened.  John just walked up to me while I was talking to Earl and started talking about Sambo.  He started talking about that as a young boy growing up in Utah, he did not see any black people.  His mother bought him a Sambo book and she would read to him at night.  When he got a little older, he went to his first baseball game and there was a black boy in the stadium, and he yelled “Look mommy, there’s Sambo!”  After he told his story, he walked away.  John had not entered in a conversation about race; in fact he was not part of the original conversation.  He just saw an African American man and woman talking, and he decided to share his experience.  I would like to say that he did not know about the perception of Sambo in the African Americans, but we were not talking about a little boy in the 60’s we are talking about a man in his 40’s after 2001.  I can’t say that he didn't know it was inappropriate, because he was reflecting on an event in which he publicly embarrassed his mother as a child.  So, why walk up and mention it?  What purpose did it serve?  Did he want to see the look of surprise on both of their faces?  Or, did he want to remind them what they were and their station in that work environment?  Who knows, the conversation did not continue after he told his story, he just walked away. 

Although John didn't say anything else, the story was not over.  Earl was upset,

and he was close to his manager.  (She would give him better projects run at work.  Also, he would do some errands for her like getting coffee or picking up her lunch.)  At least, that is what he believed.  When he went to her and told her what happened, he was surprised.  Her response was indifference.  She told him that it was no big deal and it was just best if he ignored what happened.  He did what she said.  There was no reason to be a troublemaker at work.