Spiritual Armor, Making a Difference, Advanced Child Tax Credit (ACTC)

I was talking to my mother the other night, and she was discussing how even though the economy was fading in Michigan, many stayed and they eventually found jobs.  Which is true, they did.  But, when I left Michigan in 2000, I didn't want a job, I wanted a career, and I didn't want to settle.  I felt like that was all that I had been doing, settling.  I thought that I could do more.  I wanted to make a difference. 

In January 2003, Keith was decided that instead of just writing about the processes and procedures that our Test Environment Project Managers had to follow to assist projects in making it through the test environments and into production; I would actually run a project.  That way I could see what types of issues the project managers came across while trying to help projects make their deadline dates.  We had not been making most of our deadlines.  The projects were blaming the Testing for not having the Test Environments prepared and the Test Environments were blaming the projects for not being ready for testing.  By working as a Test Environment PM, I could see what was really happening and I could change our processes and procedures to match what they actually did, and, we could pass our Federal Audit (another small issue).  The first project I received was Advanced Child Tax Credit (ACTC).  It was a small project and its technology was dependent on what people know as the “Where is my Refund?” site on the IRS web.  I remember going to the Testing Kick off meeting, the application had passed the first phase of development and now it was ready for testing.  A project schedule had already been drafted and the first phase was getting the workstations in the test lab and making sure that they had all of the software needed for testing.  One of the other Testing Environment PMs, Bob, was asked to attend the meeting to help me, since this was my first project.  However, it didn't turn out like I had expected.  Every time I was asked a question, the other PM would stop me and tell me to say that I would get back to my manager and I would have a response later.  It didn't matter how simple the question was or even whether or not I knew the answer.  I was to give the same response.  So, although Keith had given me this assignment, Jacob, the lead Test Environment Project Manager had no plans of actually letting me manage a project.  Well, I did something in that meeting that Sara Palin later became famous for, I went rogue.  The next time I was asked a question during that meeting, I started to respond and the other Bob started whispering in my ear, to give the same response.  I looked at him and told him not to interrupt me while I was speaking.  (I don’t know where that came from.)  But after I did that, I knew exactly what I had done.  Because, after that, Bob got up and left the meeting and told me I was on my own.  And, for the rest of the project, I was on my own.  I had no help from my new peers.  And I only had a little help from the System Administrators who managed the test labs.  I had to prepare up some of the workstations for testing myself. They sat and waited for me to fail.  However, they did not understand that I wanted to manage the project and I sincerely wanted them make production on schedule, so people could receive their checks in July, as the government promised.  Also, I wanted to I update the processes and procedures that the PMs had to follow to guide the projects through the test environment; I needed to truly understand their job.  They didn't get that.  For the lead PM and my new peers, it was all about ego.  The words “Who does she think she is?” was said about me a lot.  And, I knew it.  But I believed that I was fighting the good fight, so every morning, I prepared myself for battle by praying and I put on my Spiritual Armor.  Well, my project went smoothly and to production on time.  People started receiving their checks when promised.  When we had our Lessons Learned meeting at the end of the project, the client actually got up and hugged me and thanked me for all of my help.  I had not received that kind of reception since I had worked in the corporate environment.  CGTN had their internal meeting because the project was a success.  The Deputy Director, Bob gave the Jacob a certificate and shook his had for getting the project done on time.  And, as he shook his had, they looked directly at me.  And as they looked at me, I thought about what my grandmother said, “They can take everything away from you, but they can’t take what you have learned and what you know.  That will always be yours.”  So, I looked back at them in that moment and I smiled.

#LessonsLearned

#MakingaDifference

#SpiritualArmor

Thanksgiving...

There have been so many Soul Stirring events that have happened recently.  I think that we all need to take time to remember what we are Thankful for.

Here is what I am Thankful for...

I am Thankful that I am a Child of God

I am Thankful for my Mother

I am Thankful for all the Wisdom my Grandmother left me before she left this world

I am Thankful for my Family

I am Thankful for my Friends

I am Thankful for the Existence and the Belief of Hope and the Ability to have it even when I am surrounded by despair

I am Thankful for Strength and the Discernment of when to use it

I am Thankful for the ability to obtain Enlightenment and share it

I am Thankful that I have Stories to tell and a Voice to tell them with

Happy Thanksgiving

#Thanksgiving

#Thankful

#Family

The Other Side of Cray Cray

You know I had jokingly said that I should create the Cray Cray list, but there is a serious side.  The government has policies about employees and mental illness.  Certain clearances can be removed or denied based on your mental health.  However, some employees hide their illnesses because they understand the repercussions...

I met Denise while she was still a government contractor.  I always sensed that there was something different about her.  I used to refer to her as crazy Denise all the time, because although she seemed normal she seemed to dance to the beat of a different type of drummer.  Denise was a intelligent engineer, but, she would behave a little out of the ordinary and she used to confide in me about her issues. 

For example, one day, she told me about her fear of statues.  I had never met anyone afraid of statues.  That was odd to me.  I asked her why was she afraid of them, she told me that she didn't like them because they were so lifelike.  I had never met anyone with a fear of statues.  I didn't take her fear that seriously until one day when we were going to lunch at a Chinese restaurant that I used to like.  And, I forgot that there were statues on the side entrance of the restaurant.  She saw the statues at the side entrance of and screamed.  We had to walk around to the front of the building to go into the restaurant. 

There were other instances over the years. However, her problems really started escalating after she left a federal contract position and became a government employee.  She was unhappy about her life and in her marriage.  She had been dealing with the problems by praying.  Now, I believe in the power of prayer, but I believe in prayer and action as well.  I believe that God expects us to make an effort, even if it is just stepping out on faith.  She did not believe in counseling and she definitely did not believe in divorce.  So, she just prayed that things would change and she would no longer be unhappy, but that did not happen.  She became more and more miserable.  She decided to manage her problems by planning her suicide and funeral.  And, she had decided that I alone would be the person that she confided in.  She had started writing her own Obituary.  She would send me copies of it and ask me to critique it.  Also, she would tell me what she wanted for her funeral and will. She wanted to me to make sure that her instructions were followed after she died.  I thought that this was odd, because even though we had become friends, she had family that she saw on a regular basis.  She also had friends that had known her for a longer time than I had.  But, no one knew how unhappy she really was except me.  She also had a daughter, who was also unaware that that her mother was so unhappy.  I was the only one that she confided in, and it worried me.  I would try to talk her into seeking counseling, for herself, her daughter and for her marriage.  But, she didn't want to go; she used the excuse that Blacks don’t seek counseling. 

There were other beliefs that she had that blocked my ability to help her.  For example, she also believed that since I was divorced and had sinned against God (Her words not mine.), that I wanted her to get a divorce as well.  However, I didn't believe that divorce is the cure-all for bad relationships then, and I don’t now.  I believed that her problems consisted of more than just her marriage.  I also knew that all of the talk of suicide and death were a cry for help. 

One day, I got a call from Denise.  She was at the hospital.  She had attempted to kill herself by overdosing on pills; however, she made herself sick instead.  Her plan was to overdose and then get in the car and drive until she became unconscious.  Instead, she got a bad stomach ache and she drove herself to emergency, where the hospital had to pump her stomach.  She called me when she got to emergency.  When I went to the hospital, she already had a bed.  They had decided to keep her overnight, because they wanted to try to talk her into getting counseling.  But, she refused to provide the Social Worker any information.  So, the hospital was unable to help her.  When I asked Denise why, she told me that she could lose her clearance if it was reported that she tried to commit suicide.  So, she was crazy enough to try to take her life and maybe take someone else’s while driving, but not crazy enough to risk losing her job. 

Denise’s husband was at the hospital as well, the hospital called him after she was admitted.  But, she refused to tell him the real reason why she was there.  So, he showed up looking confused.  She just told him that she had an upset stomach.  She told her daughter the same thing as well.  Her daughter had wanted to go the movies.  She talked her husband into leaving her taking their daughter to the movies that night.  I was frustrated with Denise that night.  I was glad that she didn't succeed in killing herself that night, but I was concerned because she wouldn't accept counseling and she needed it. 

A few months later, Denise did find a Christian Counseling Center that she was comfortable with and the funeral and suicide conversations began to happen less and less.  But the depression was still there.  And I was still the only person that she would talk to when she wanted to discuss her funeral plans.  I decided that carrying the burden of her suicide secrets was too heavy to bear. 

I decided to break her promise of not letting her family know about her depression and the fact that she had tried to commit suicide.  I didn't tell her daughter, but I did tell her husband.  I told because I thought that she needed help and I wanted her to get it.  As a result, Denise stopped talking to me and she I have never seen her again.  However, considering that she told me that she would hurt me if I ever told anyone that she was planning to kill herself, I think that I got off easy.  

Resouces for Suicide Prevention
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

The Federal Cray Cray List … Until Times Get Better

My friend Angela used to say, that we had a few special people at our job.  And, I agree, that there were a few.  However, it seemed like there were more there than I had ever encountered in one place. 

I first met Steven when he was transferred to our department.  He was originally hired as an architect.  However, his department did not feel that had the skills needed to stay there, but they did not want to fire him, so he was transferred to ours.  We were told to be nice to him and help him adjust.  But, no one told him.  Steven was a short, balding, middle-aged man who was shaped like Humpty Dumpty.  (Please pardon me for saying that, but it is true).  And, there were many times where he almost had a great a fall.  Steven had a knack for lying for no reason and getting on people’s nerves.  He did many things over the years before he was eventually fired, but here is one of my favorite stories. 

Until Times Get Better...

One afternoon, the Deputy Director Bob asked me to come to his desk.  He told me that he had a lingering problem that he wanted my help with.  He explained that we had a problem with our network a little over 3 months prior and a report detailing what had happened and how it was fixed was long overdue.  Steven was responsible for getting a report from Bill, since Bill had fixed the problem.  For 3 months, on a weekly basis, Steven had been reporting that Bill did not have the time to do it and as time passed he reported that that Bill was unwilling to prepare the report.  Bob wanted to know if I remembered the problem and if I had enough information to at least draft a report summary.  I told him that I had some information, but I asked him why he thought that Bill was unwilling to write a report.  He told me that it was because Steven told him that.  I responded, “It is true that Bill does not like to write reports but he responds in the opposite manner, he tries to complete things that he doesn't like as quickly as possible.”  I told him that I would talk to Bill and find out what happened.

I went to Bill’s desk and asked him why he hadn't written a report about the network problem that had occurred over 3 months ago.  He replied, “What report?  Was I supposed to prepare something?”  I told him yes, apparently this report had been on the agenda for a weekly meeting for the past few months and Steven stated that you were busy at first and later that you were unwilling to prepare it.  Bill responded, “Steven sits right next to me.”  “I know.” I replied.  “Well, why are you involved?” he asked.  “Well, Bob asked me if I could write the report for you.” I replied.  Bill was irritated that upper management was involved, and he asked me who participated in the weekly meeting that Steven attended.  When I told him that it was the Network Architecture and Infrastructure department, I could see the smoke coming out of his ears.  Bill got up and went straight to Bob, and apologized.  He told him that he was unaware that a report was due and he would work with me to deliver a report by the end of the day. 

After we started working on the report, Steven showed up at his desk.  Bill asked to speak with him privately.  They went into the Electrical Closet for privacy, but the yelling so loud, everyone outside could hear them.  Bill asked Steven about the report, and Steven told him, that report wasn't necessary, and that they were going to stop asking about it sooner or later.  Bill replied, “Oh yeah, then why did Cara come to me about it today?”  Steven didn't say anything.  All I heard, correction, all everyone heard was Bill.  “Do you know why Cara came to me? Because Bob came to her!!  You have managed to make me look unprofessional in front of my peers and in front of Management!  And as a Black man, I take that very seriously.  What am I too dumb to write up a report??!!  Am I only good at fixing things??!!”   Steve replied, “Well, that is insulting.  I am a Black man too!”  “Shut up, I am talking!!  Bill yelled.  "Listen to me.  Man to man, if you ever pull a stunt like this and embarrass me again, I will beat you until times get better!!  Do you understand me?!  Do you understand me??!!”  After they left the closet, you could hear a pin drop as they walked back to their desks.  

Why do I Keep Secrets? Are these stories really true??

                 Why do I Keep Secrets? 

The obvious reason that I don’t give out names of people or businesses that I worked for in this blog are so I can’t be sued.  But, that is not the only reason.  When I was laid off from my first contracting job, the companies that I worked for were worried about being sued.  I know that they were worried because they cancelled my contract while I was out of state and mailed my personal belongings to me.  They were so worried that they summoned by best friend at work to the 12^th floor and told her that they think that Cara is going to sue us, and we want to know everything that you know.  I did say at the start of this blog, that I did file with the EEOC and that I did get permission to sue them, however, at the same time, I got diagnosed with Stage 3b Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, so I became preoccupied with that.  Also, my friend was a single parent.  I never discussed anything legal with her, because I would not want her job to be in jeopardy. 

Are these stories really true??

The other question might be asked by the few who read this blog, because so far, no one has really been fired.  The sad answer is yes, the stories are true.  I do have a story that involves one person being fired, but it wouldn't be for what you would think that it would be.  I am thinking about doing a series of blogs on some of the crazy people that I worked with.  I think that it would have to be called the Federal Cray Cray list.

Nobody’s Perfect and You Can’t Fix Stupid

One morning as I was getting settled at my desk at work, my phone started ringing, the caller ID said US Government.  Now, it is true that I was a Federal Contractor, but the caller ID usually had the agency name, not just US Government.  It kind of freaked me out, the call went to voice mail before I could answer, but an hour later, the phone rang again and I answered it.  It was our client and he was upset.  One of our administrators had made an error on one of the government servers and they needed to have it rebooted, so Jeffrey called him and asked him to reboot it.  However, our process required me or Keith to sign off before the server could be rebooted.  So, the client asked if I had signed off on the reboot.  I guess that is when this got ugly.  Jeffrey yelled at the client and told him that I was nobody but a figure head and that he was the Network Manager and he needed to do what he was

told.  I told him that I was sorry that this had happened to him.  I also told him that Keith was in his office and that he would have no problem giving approval for the reboot.  I told him, that I would ask for Keith’s approval.  After I hung up the phone I talked with Jeffrey.  I told him that the client had just called me.  I also asked him why he yelled at the client.  He then reminded me who he was and stated that he shouldn't have to get permission from me.  And, the client was just a System Admin.  Plus, I had not arrived at work yet, he responded, “What was I supposed to do, call you at home?”  I told him that he could have, or he could have asked Keith to sign off on it.  Keith was in his office by 7 am.  I tried to explain to him, that he had upset the client and who knows who else he is going to tell about this issue.  Jeffrey did not like my response.  He went to his desk and sent and email to me and the client stating that it was inappropriate for the Network Manager to obtain permission to reboot a server from a non-technical figurehead.  My response to the email was that I was the Change Control Co-Chair, and that requesting approval from the Change Control Chair or Co-Chair for emergencies was part of the process that was created by our department.  I also reminded him that I was assigned the Co-Chair position by Keith, and if he did not like the process or did not want to obtain approval from me, he could go to Keith’s office and get his approval.  The email finally made it to Keith’s office.  Keith had no problem giving approval, but of course he wanted to know what happened and why, which was really what Jeffery was trying to avoid. 

Keith also told him that I was right.  Keith also explain that the government's organization was different than ours.  And that Jeffrey needed to understand how the government worked, their organization was top down and ours was cross-functional, and they don’t necessarily understand how ours work.  The client didn't mean any harm when he asked for Cara’s approval; he was just following our process.  And, in his world, her signature, equals an approval.  And she has that responsibility because I asked her to take it.  After that, everyone seemed to be OK.  Jeffrey was less angry, but the issue seemed to be resolved. 

Later in the afternoon, another manager stopped me outside of our department.  He asked me if I was alright.  I told him that I was fine.  He told me that the client had called him because he was still upset about what had happened that morning and he had sent him a copy of the email that Jeffrey sent.  I told him that I was fine, and that Keith had handled the situation.  Everything was fine.  Are you sure, he asked.  I responded “Yes”.

After that, the week went by pretty fast.  I got in fairly early on Friday and Keith was all dressed up.  He said that he was going downtown.  He also said that usually when the government requests you to come to downtown DC on a Friday, it usually isn't good.  I didn't think much of it. I was going to get my work done and take an hour lunch, which was something that I rarely did. 

Well, later that afternoon, I was walking down the hallway on my way to lunch.  And I heard this booming voice “Freeze!! Where are you going?"  It was Keith.  I was going to lunch I replied.  He told me that I was not going to lunch, I was going to my desk, and we were having a meeting as soon as he gathered the rest of the staff.  So I went back to my desk and waited.

When the meeting started Keith was angry.  He stated that he was asked to come to the Deputy Commissioner’s office, and when he sat down, Jeffrey’s email was put in his lap.  Then he was asked, “Is this the way your people treat their employees?”  He didn't elaborate on the rest of the meeting.  I rolled my head back, I couldn't believe that this had gone this far.  I had seen things happen like this before, but I thought that the issue was over.  Keith was still yelling.  “I realize that this is not a perfect team, and we have issues, but we need to keep are disagreements to ourselves.  The client does not need to know it.  Also, our disagreements should take place on our network and on our email not on theirs.”  Jeffrey asked how the government got the email, Keith told him, that it didn't matter, the conversation occurred in their environment and it was their property.  Keith did ask them how they got the email and they refused to say. 

The fallout was ugly.  It was assumed that I sent the government the email, even though it was never really said to my face.  I guess that maybe it was thought that I wanted revenge or wanted to teach Jeffrey a lesson.  However, to be honest I saw no benefit in getting any type of revenge.  Also, years had passed by then and I thought that the managers that I worked with including Jeffrey were not teachable, at least not by me.  Nor did I think that it was my responsibility to teach them anything.  

My First Meat Day

I don’t know what you may think of this title, but this is what it was, my first Meat Day. 

Ok, let me explain, one of the owners of the company that I worked for, ALBB, was a farmer.  Specifically he raised grass-fed cows.  And every year, he would slaughter one of his cows for his company picnic.  Could he call it the annual ALBB company picnic, or ALBB BBQ, or even the ALBB Employee Appreciation Day?  Nope, he called it, Meat Day.  I never went to the Meat Days, and the company didn't always have a great turnout.  I could never get past the whole “Meat Day” title.  Couldn't someone have told him don’t do that?  Although after dealing with the ego I wonder if anyone could tell him that.

Well, one day my ALBB rep came to visit me with a dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies. She told me that the annual Meat Day was coming up and ALBB wanted to have it here on our work-site, so we would have a better attendance.  Also, we could invite our bosses to the picnic.  I said OK and I sent an email to Keith inviting him to an onsite BBQ.  Also after she left, I took the cookies to Keith’s office because I was following my diet.  While there, I told him that I sent him an email about our company BBQ, his reply was “Oh yeah, I read it and said yes, you don’t have to ask me twice about a BBQ. And, thanks for the cookies.”

A few days later I got a call from my company about our on site Meat Day, the event had been cancelled.  When I asked why, ALBB said that other employees on site said that CGTN would not allow us to have a BBQ on the company grounds.  So, I asked who told them that, ALBB did not have a response.  They had asked one of the other ALBB contractors to look into it.  So, I offered to look into it.  After I hung up the phone with ALBB I contacted CGTN’s Facilities Director and I asked him if he had denied our request for a picnic.  He had no idea that it was requested.  I asked him if were any issues about having a BBQ on site, he told me that if they followed all of the fire codes, it should be fine.  I contacted ALBB and provided them with the Facilities Director’s contact number and they worked out the rest.

On Meat Day, ALBB arrived in the morning and started the BBQ grill.  They prepared steaks (Porter House and T-Bones), Shish Kabobs and hamburgers with corn and baked potatoes.   

Keith and I came down; the other employees weren’t able to get their manager’s to come.  The ALBB owners and reps introduced themselves to Keith and they chatted briefly and they exchanged business cards.  ALBB made a good business contact that day.  The other employees who worked on site hardly spoke.  After Keith left our picnic, one of the other coworkers spoke.  He looked at me and said, “Do you know who that was?”  I responded, “Yea, that is my boss.”  And he replied, “But, do you know how important he is and what he does?”  I didn't respond again.  I just ignored him and left.

It is funny, I worked for this man for almost 3 years, and the other contractors who I barely knew me or worked with Keith assumed that because I was a Technical Writer and not a Technical employee or Manager that I was unable to comprehend my boss’ responsibilities or level of importance.  Politics in the DC area permeates all businesses in the area, especially when it comes to Federal government and contractors.   

Decisions… Part 5 – The Fallout!!

As I mentioned before, when I would walk into meetings or into a room, all talking would stop.  And, no it was not just the Caucasians in the department.  It was everyone.  I was not allowed to discuss what was going on until the final decision had been made.   However, everyone else was allowed to talk about it and did.  There were many debates.  In the end, Bob and Keith went against each other head to head over whether Annabel would keep her position.  Bill and Jeffrey were on Bob’s side and considering that Annabel had referred to them in a negative manner did not manner, because neither one was insulted by the racial slur.  Jeffrey felt that it never applied to him anyway because he was African.  Bill just thought that I had overreacted.  Some people thought that this was really an issue of power.  I wanted to prove how important I was.  However, as you already know, I did not really start this crazy ball rolling; I just got blamed for it.  I never understood while Annabel’s boss reported the issue to our boss, when I said that I was not going to do it.  I was told that he reported it because he was afraid that I was going to go back on my word and report it, and he did not think that Annabel would lose her job.  However, I do not believe this.  I do believe that he thought that Annabel would not lose her job.  I believe that he thought absolutely nothing would happen and that response to this situation would finally put me in my place. 

However, that is not what happened, it took over a month, but Annabel did lose her job.  Well,they temporarily removed her from the project.  Her boss kept her on the payroll and got her a job on another project.  And, after Keith and I had moved on to different projects, she returned to her job.  

The whole situation was very stressful, disappointing and eye-opening for me.