Decisions… Part 4 - All Hell Breaks Loose!!

***Before, I continue to share the rest of this story.  I think that you should be aware that all of this happened 5 years before we nominated and voted in our first African American president. ***

Well, I decided to go to Keith and talk to him about the issue.  I didn't want to beg for Annabel’s job, but I didn't want her to lose her job either.  I met with him after work.  I decided to meet with him and just be honest.  He was aware that Annabel and I used to be friends and he wanted to understand our relationship and what had happened to lead up to that moment.  I explained to him that Annabel would say things that were inappropriate like... “Maybe in my next life, God would make me pretty and White” or tell me how men always prefer white women over black women unless they are “exceptionally pretty”. Another example was when she shared with me that she had not changed her residence from Florida to Maryland, because Florida did not have state taxes.  I explained to her that Maryland’s laws were very strict, if you lived in the state for more than 90 days; you were a Maryland resident and needed to pay taxes.  She explained to me that laws applied to me, and not to her.  I didn't agree with Annabel’s beliefs, so I stopped hanging out with her.  Annabel did have some good qualities, and she was an excellent developer, our client loved her, she just had some screwy ideas about race. 

Keith sat and listened to me talk, and he took notes.  He told me that he had made his decision and he was disappointed that I didn't initially report the issue to him.  He asked me to keep quiet about the situation. 

Now as the title said, all hell broke loose.  And it did, on Annabel’s side.  Annabel and I sat across from each other at work, and we continued to sit across from each other after all of this happened.  Annabel didn't want to sit near me anymore, so she would just sit at her desk and stare at me.  She asked our Deputy Director, to ask me to move to another cube away from her.  And, she started telling other co-workers what I had done to her, and explaining to them that I was jealous and out to get her.  At first the stares did bother me, but then it didn't.   I hadn't done anything wrong.  I hadn't said anything wrong.  So, I didn't feel like I should feel uncomfortable sitting at my desk and I should not be the one to move.  I told the Deputy Director that I would not be moving. After I said no, the Deputy Director went to Angela’s desk and asked her if she would move to a different location and let Annabel sit at her desk.  She said no as well and she asked him, why he was only asking the African American women to move.  However, seating arrangements was not the only concern that out Deputy Director, Bob (Yes, the same person who had locked me in the library). 

Bob thought that Keith’s decision to terminate Annabel was wrong and he had decided that he was going to argue that I overreacted and that Nigga-rigged was not a real word, so how could it be offensive.  He started interviewing the staff people and asking them if they had ever heard of this word.  Also, he asked them if they felt if Annabel was racist or had any racist tendencies.  The whole department was discussing an the issue and whether or not I was right to “report: the issue to Keith.  I was viewed as the troublemaker.  I can’t tell you how many times I would enter a room and people would stop talking.  Annabel continued to stare at me until they finally moved her.  I was shunned because I had asked someone “What’s wrong?” at least that is how I felt.  

Decisions… Part III - The Beginning of Chaos. Nothing went as planned.

Well, the next morning, I came into work and Annabel was at her desk waiting for me.  “I need to speak to you privately.” She said.  We went into the server room.  I was expecting to get the former apology that her manager and I had discussed.  As soon as the door closed she started talking…

I wrote you a formal letter of apology.  I hope that you are happy with this situation.  You have cost me my job.  Oh, and by the away, you should get an Oscar for this surprised look that you have on your face right now.  I am not falling for it.  I always knew that you were jealous of me because I am White and blonde.  But causing me to lose my job?  Was this really necessary? 

I didn't say anything.  What was the point?  She already had her beliefs.  I left the room thinking.. well, so much for an apology.  I realize that some of what she said came out of anger.  But, some of what she said was actually what she believed.  As I had said earlier, I had been her friend and certain things that she had said to me caused me to pull away from her.  For example, she had two cute little dogs that I used to walk when she would go home to Florida on the weekends, or go on vacation.  I liked animals, and I didn't mind spending time with them.  After doing this for her a couple of times, she asked if it would be inappropriate for her to ask me to wash her windows, clean the carpet and do the laundry on the weekends, for pay of course.  I told her that yes, it would be inappropriate.  And that was the end of the conversation.  There were other moments that we experienced that made me pull away.  But, that was all that I did.  I was still friendly towards her at work but I did not hang out with her anymore.  If she asked me out, I would just politely make an excuse and then go about my business.  Now I was being accused by her of pulling the race card because I was jealous of her race.  And now, I am supposed to go to my boss and beg him to not to fire her because her boss screwed up.  It was too much, I couldn't do it.  However, in spite of what had happened, I didn't want her to lose her job.  I just wanted this whole situation to end.  It had only been last weekend when I was concerned about being fair.  I felt like no one else ever had that concern. 

I decided to go to my boss and just be honest.  My decision was not bad, but this was the beginning of all hell breaking loose.

Decisions Part II – You can’t prevent people from being stupid

I decided to report it on Monday, because she yelled her “Nigga-rigged” at work, and even though I
didn't think that anyone was around or heard what she said, it was better to report it.  I think that part of the reason why I had trouble figuring out what I should do, is how our department was structured.  In my position, I reported directly to the director, Keith, and my cube mate reported to one of the other managers in Keith’s department.  Therefore, I thought that I had an unfair advantage.  Also, I was not surprised about what Annabel said, I had no doubts that she had used the N-word before and would probably use it again.  We had been friends; however, some of her beliefs and attitudes had started to become apparent.  But, I thought that since she had immediately apologized, she should not lose her job over it.  So, I decided to report her to the Team Lead and her Manager.  

First, I went to the Team Lead, Dave.  I told him what happened.  Dave immediately went to the manager Rich and informed him of the situation.  Rich decided that he wanted to meet with me.  During our meeting, I repeated the story again, and I stated that although it was inappropriate, she did immediately apologize for her mistake.  Rich started telling me about how he had been in different work environments all over the country and when he worked in Mississippi, Blacks would refer to each other as Niggas all of the time in front of him, and didn't think anything about it, even though he was white man from the Massachusetts.  I listened to him, but I did not have any idea of what this had to do with me and the issue that was occurring right now.  I was not from Mississippi.  We were not in Mississippi. We were on a Federal Government contract in Maryland, and I never used the N-word at work or in front of Annabel.  Now the Federal Government, depending on the agency is very strict about the use of inappropriate language.  In the agency that we worked in, if someone said something inappropriate to you on a government phone line, it was grounds for punishment or termination, even if the other person did not work for the government.  Therefore, why would I or really anyone risk saying anything inappropriate at work.  Eventually, Rich asked me was I going to report it to Keith.  I told him no, I thought that it was better if it just stayed at this level.  Rich agreed.  Afterwards, I went back to my desk. 

Later that afternoon, Dave stopped by my desk.  He spoke to me very quietly.  He told me that he needed to speak with me, but it needed to be off this floor where no one would see us.   So, we met downstairs on the first floor in a private cube.  Dave said, “Rich told Keith what Annabel did at the manager’s meeting.   “What?? Why?? We agreed that I would not tell Keith, and that the issue would be handled by him.”  I responded.  Dave’s response was…

Well, I don’t know, but we have a problem.  Keith said that the policy is clear.  Annabel may not be terminated today, but eventually she will be terminated.  Rich stated that she should not be terminated since she apologized to you.  So, to be fair, Dave decided that he will not fire her, if you, come to him, tell him what happened and ask him not to fire her.  However, you have to do it on your own, you cannot know about the conversation that happened in the managers meeting.  And of course the conversation that we are having now, never happened. 

I just kind of stared into space for a minute, and then I said…. “So let me get this straight.  I am supposed to go to Keith, tell him what happened, wait until he say that she is being terminated, and beg for her job, because your boss went to him and reported on his own employee?”  “Yes,” he said.  “Also, to make it more authentic, we are going to have you meet again with Annabel, and she is going to officially apologize to you again.  We are doing this, because we do not think that Keith’s rules are fair.” 

This had to be one of the craziest situations that I had been in, the situation was already complicated, but I never thought that it would become this convoluted and stupid.

Decisions... Part I

For the first time in my life, I came home from work on a Friday evening and poured myself a drink.
I poured about 2 shots of whiskey in a glass, I never drink alone, but this time, I needed to sit down and make some serious decisions.  A situation had occurred at work, and I wanted to make the right decision.  I wanted to be fair.  I decided to call my brother and ask for his opinion, but he only made me feel worse.

Here is what happened…

It was a Friday afternoon in the Spring and almost everyone had left work early.  I liked days like these, because I could get work done without many interruptions.  My coworker, Annabel, entered our cube area stomping, pouting and slamming her notebook on the desk.  I asked her what was wrong.  Well apparently, there was a problem with the application that she was working on; however, it could be fixed by making a change on the network.  So, she went to the Bill, the Network Engineer and told him about the issue.  He told her that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing that he could do now, she would have to wait until next week.  So, she decided to go to the Jeffery, the Network Manager, he said the same thing, although he did offer a temporary workaround.  Annabel was not satisfied, she wanted the change to occur immediately.  She was disappointed; however, that is not what she said.  Instead, she stated, “I talked to Bill and Jeffrey about the problem.  They could fix it today if they wanted too.  But, instead they wanted to Nigga-rig it!”  (Bill and Jeffrey are men of color.)  And then she stormed out of the area, and went to the ladies room.  I just sat there thinking, why did I ask her what was wrong.  A few minutes later, she ran back into the area.  “I didn't mean to say that I meant to say jerry, but Nigga came out instead.”  I didn't say anything; I just decided that it was time to go home.  I had heard enough for the day.

When I got outside, Bill and some of the other managers were standing outside.  I told them what Annabel said about wanting to say jerry-rig, but nigga-rig came out instead.  And, I said that it was time for me to go home.  As I left, I was debating about reporting it, I knew that I should report it, because the laws were clear, but, she did immediately admit that she made a mistake.  And I thought that should be recognized as well.  I wanted to do the right thing. 

After I poured my drink, I called my brother.  His response, “Why are you upset, you don’t have a problem using the word, why should it bother that she uses it.  You have probably used it in front of her.”  My response was that I have used the word, but I don’t use it at work I had never used it in front of her.  I became frustrated.  Why was I being attacked, when I hadn't done anything wrong?  All I had done was ask a question.  My brother stated that if I really did have a problem with it I would report what happened.  

Sambo!!!???

So, one day Angela came to my desk and she stated, “You will never believe what just happened.  John just walked up to me while I was talking to Earl and started talking about Sambo.  He started talking about that as a young boy growing up in Utah, he did not see any black people.  His mother bought him a Sambo book and she would read to him at night.  When he got a little older, he went to his first baseball game and there was a black boy in the stadium, and he yelled “Look mommy, there’s Sambo!”  After he told his story, he walked away.  John had not entered in a conversation about race; in fact he was not part of the original conversation.  He just saw an African American man and woman talking, and he decided to share his experience.  I would like to say that he did not know about the perception of Sambo in the African Americans, but we were not talking about a little boy in the 60’s we are talking about a man in his 40’s after 2001.  I can’t say that he didn't know it was inappropriate, because he was reflecting on an event in which he publicly embarrassed his mother as a child.  So, why walk up and mention it?  What purpose did it serve?  Did he want to see the look of surprise on both of their faces?  Or, did he want to remind them what they were and their station in that work environment?  Who knows, the conversation did not continue after he told his story, he just walked away. 

Although John didn't say anything else, the story was not over.  Earl was upset,

and he was close to his manager.  (She would give him better projects run at work.  Also, he would do some errands for her like getting coffee or picking up her lunch.)  At least, that is what he believed.  When he went to her and told her what happened, he was surprised.  Her response was indifference.  She told him that it was no big deal and it was just best if he ignored what happened.  He did what she said.  There was no reason to be a troublemaker at work.  

The Intricacies of Dealing with the Devil

I decided to take a risk on you.

After I had saved my job, I had to start being visible at work.  This didn't mean that I wasn't working hard in the past; it is just that when I started working there, we had a smaller department, and everyone knew what I was doing, so there was no need to make sure that I was seen.  Also, growing up as a Presbyterian, you have that typical protestant background of working hard and being humble.  My first assignment was taking over the preparation all of Keith’s presentations and reviewing and editing all of his reports.  Before I took over, his presentations usually had one or two typos in them, and considering he was already not liked by a lot of his peers it wasn't helping his reputation.  So, improving the look of the presentations and status reports made me a little more noticeable and it improved his reputation a little bit.  

However, a change did not really occur until I was asked to scribe in our war room when our department had to assist a project resolve some of their issues that caused a work stoppage.  The current war room scribe was one of the managers, however, when the tension in the room got high, an argument ensued and he threw the marker on the floor and stormed out.  So I got called in to scribe.  I had not been asked to scribe before, because (unknown to me) management thought that I would not be able to handle the responsibility.  Other managers for various reasons described me to my director as your “typical angry black woman” who wouldn't be able to handle myself in a stressful situation, nor would I understand anything that was going on. Essentially, I would embarrass the department in this high visibility role. Therefore, I had never been asked to scribe.  However, this time, there was no one else to come in and scribe.  When I walked in the room, the tension was high and there were executives coming through the room and checking the status of the issues; however, it wasn't anything different than what I had handled in the commercial industry.  The issue lasted about 3 days, before they resolved it and the project could continue.  After that, I was put on the alternate scribe list.  This made me more visible to management and executives outside my department.  Also, after being on the list for a few months, I became the person, that war room teams looked forward to having as a scribe, sometimes, I was the person that they requested.  Keith also began to notice me too, because he saw how I worked in teams as well as one on one, so my job was no longer in jeopardy.  This should have been a good thing, but it became a double- edge sword.

Adjusting to Government Work Environment… You’re a Facilitator!!??

One of the things that I have always been sensitive to or very aware of is my work environment.  The environment of a Government contract can be very challenging.  First, the environment depended on whether or not you are working on a contractor’s site or on the client’s site.  If you are working on the government site, the agency’s culture dominates the environment.  However, if you are working off site, the Prime contractor culture or a hybrid of their culture may dominate the office.   So, you are constantly learning about what is and isn't acceptable behavior.

The first time that I realized that I was in a completely different type of environment occurred when I had a casual conversation with one of our managers, Allen...  Some work had been completed, it was OK, but it wasn't stellar.  And I said, “At home we would say Good Enough for Government Work.   By the way, what do Government people say?”  He responded,” Don’t ever say that on a government job site again.  The government is very sensitive to that remark. “   

The next new discovery was Marge, our Facilitator.   I had come across managers or chairs that facilitated meetings but I had never come across anyone who had that position as their main job role.  Every department had at least one Facilitator and their job was to attend meetings and make sure that the meeting stayed on topic and was productive.   No, they did not take notes and if the meeting stayed on topic, they may not even speak.  They just attended meetings.  However, the strangest part about Marge was that she did not have an IT background.  I didn't understand how you could keep everyone on topic, when you weren't really familiar with the topic yourself.  In fact, I still don’t understand.  Also, I thought that it was ridiculous to have a facilitator in meetings anyway.  Responsible adults should be able to conduct meetings and get tasks accomplished.  I thought that it was just a waste of money until I attended a meeting where the chair did not have any facilitator skills.  We still had a productive meeting; however the products were chaos and frustration.  One complaint that I hear about Government all the time is that it should be run like a business.  However, I think that it can’t be run like a business because the end goals are different and, an extraordinary amount of politics occurs in the simple day to day operations.  And, of course don’t forget bureaucracy. 

My Relationship History with ALBB

I have plenty of other stories to tell, but I wanted to stay on ALBB a little longer.  When I moved to Maryland, I was not hired by ALBB, but Daft Industries.  Yes, that was the company with the recruiter who lied to me about the safety of the hotel that I had picked.  After Allen called Daft Industries (DI) and said that I was hired; we started on all of the paperwork.  The last portion of the paperwork consisted of payroll.  The document stated that I would get paid every 2 weeks.  But what they glossed over was instead of the typical 2 weeks in the hole before the 1^st pay check, they made their employees have six weeks in the hole.  Therefore, since I started working in the beginning of November, I wasn't going to see my first paycheck until after Christmas.  So that meant that my Christmas was ruined and I really had to juggle my finances.  I was very unhappy and I was vocal about my situation.  Allen kept telling me that if I was really that upset that I needed to resign.  Well, I decided to take his advice and I found another job and I turned in my resignation.  Once that happened, a surprising chain of events began (at least to me).  Allen contacted DI and Annoying United Systems (AUS) and told them that I had turned in my resignation, however, I was a needed employee, and they needed to resolve whatever issues that I had with my company.  The contractor, AUS was surprised about DI’s policy, because as a small minority business, AUS was required to pay DI every two weeks, so my salary was just sitting in the bank earning interest.  AUS contacted me and told me to tell DI to make an exception and start paying me earlier.  I followed their instructions and DI replied to me that they would not ignore their policy and that AUS had no right to make that request.  I informed AUS of DI’s response, and AUS decided to get Come Get These Nuts (CGTN) involved.  CGTN asked DI to do the same thing and to allow me to find another small company to work for instead of them.  And, they told them that if they did not look the other way and let me find another company, they would never be selected for another project with them again.  DI released me and the slot for that position.  Next CGTN gave me two weeks to either find another company to work for or work as an independent contractor.  I felt uncomfortable working for myself, so I started interviewing other companies and that is how Act Like a Broke Bitch (ALBB) came into the picture. 

ALBB was happy that I selected them.  Before I selected them they did not have a business relationship with AUS.  So, not only did they get another employee but a new profitable business relationship that lasted for years.  The only thing that I got out of setting up that business relationship was a thank you.